My Story

“So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” -Marilyn Monroe

Insecurities and indecisiveness ruled my life. I would use the bathroom constantly just to look in the mirror. Low self worth and perfectionism developed into an eating disorder. I thought all my friends were prettier, smarter, and more talented than I would ever be. The inadequacy is indescribable.

When my eating disorder took control, thoughts of overexercising, obsessive weighing, and restricting took over my brain. I would not hang out with my friends if I had broken one of my food rules—I felt too terrible–and I punished myself through isolation. I became depressed. I had been a happy, smiling person. Now I only wanted to cry. My period stopped. My nails and hair became brittle. I often felt dizzy after performing a simple task such as playing the flute or hitting a tennis ball. The pounds shed, but it would never be enough. The reflection in the mirror became unrecognizable.

People close to me intervened telling me I had a problem. My family and I were in denial until my doctor diagnosed my with Anorexia Nervosa. Terrified, I could not come to terms with what I had done to myself. I destroyed my body. But I did not care. When the doctor told me I could not exercise anymore and that I had to go see a therapist and nutritionist I was still unwilling to change my unhealthy behaviors. Anorexia almost prevented me from vacationing in Europe.

As the clock ticked on, outpatient therapy was not working fast enough. So, I got admitted into the Klarman Center for Eating Disorders. The residential treatment center changed my life. The powerful experience was beyond words. I met some genuine, kind girls at Klarman–we supported one another while away from home. Treatment was scary, uncomfortable, lonely, and emotional but I know it was necessary. I am beginning to enjoy eating again and find satisfaction in following my meal plan. Change can be intimidating, but I chose to use my new body to weaken my eating disorder. It will still take me a long time to call myself recovered, but I can proudly admit I am healthy and in recovery.

Never, ever give up… life is too precious! ❤